NED KELLY & THE BUSHRANGERS ELITE ( film script)

Ned Kelly and the Bushrangers Elite (film script)
 

This is a film script based on the writing style of the two great Monty Python comedies, The Holy Grail and the Life of Brian.

There's been a few attempts at a comedy based on the life of Ned Kelly and they all stink for a variety of reasons. Mine may stink for other reasons.

So my script features Ned Kelly but I've chosen to make it a story about all the great Australian bushrangers., Ben Hall and Captain Starlight, Captain Thunderbolt and others. The segments are all ridiculous and senseless.

However it's dangerous territory going the "Python " route as "Python" sketch comedy is out of date and cannot is hard to replicate. My thoughts are that "Python" film comedy is not so out of date and can be replicated. It's not about copying anything , it's just about getting into that zone of nonsense-ness and hoping it works.

 The script is still a work in progress.

NEIL SIMON ( I'm not a big fan)

NEIL SIMON

Neil Simon started out writing the The Sid Caesar Show with greatest comedy writing team of all time which included Mel Brooks,Carl Reiner,  Larry Gelbart  and later on Woody Allen and these were the ones who went on to become household names. The show had a dozen or so other great comedy writers as well.

So Neil went on to write plays which became movies and the biggest one of the 60's was THE ODD COUPLE.  I can't sit through it, it's just two guys screaming at each other for 90 minutes. ( The Tv series is far more watchable)

In the 60's he also wrote BAREFOOT IN THE PARK. The film starred Robert Redford and Jane Fonda and was much better and had less screaming. But most of his other stuff was just unfunny screaming but he got accolades for it.

Finally around 1981 he wrote a film called MAX DUGAN RETURNS which was very good and he he followed it up with a few other good films like BRIGHTON BEACH MEMOIRS and BILOXI BLUES which were more subtle than his earlier work.

I read or heard him say once that he couldn't understand all the fuss about Woody Allen and that was just as successful. There was a big difference.

When he passed away Brooks, Reiner and Allen had very little to say about him or condolences which made me think he wasn't all that likeable.

TED by Seth McFarlane 2012

TED

 I went to see this film with big  hopes and Seth McFarlane almost delivered.
Before I say anything else it would have been great to have two lots of dialogue and some scenes altered so that there was a kids version as well. I was a bit horrified when an acquaintance of mine had taken his 10 year old son and the kid was quoting "Fuck" lines from the film.

But here's what I liked.
The humour- because he's original daring and very wrong.
I've never been in to topical references because they can become dated, so we'll see how this dates. As for now it's box office gold and if it's pop culture based and not political it's less likely to date. We still know the Brady Bunch but not the politics of 1970.

The story -    there were two strong storylines and he didn't go off track.

LARRY DAVID ( my soul mate)

 LARRY DAVID ( my soul mate)

There's that story about Larry David being on the comedy writing team of SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE for two years and they only ever used one of his sketches. But he was friends with Jerry Seinfeld so a few years they created SEINFELD together. 

So after a slow start he made it.

I'm 13 years younger than Larry so when I heard of his trials and tribulations to get to where he is today I thought well not everything comes easy for some.( like Woody Allen who says he only had good luck)

When SEINFELD began my colleagues were quick to point out the similarities between myself and George Costanza. Physically almost the same but I'm a bit more athletic than Jason Alexander, but with the bald head and the same attitude to many things and many ridiculous failures with women.

Then it was divulged that George was based on creator /writer  Larry David .

SEINFELD finished and this genius Larry David took Costanza to a new level when Larry David played a version of himself in CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM one of the greatest shows ever.

Of all the comedians and writers I  love and admire I probably have the closest affinity with Larry.

STAND UP COMEDY and MEETING LIKE MINDED PEOPLE

LIKE MINDED PEOPLE

I've had a desire to get involved with like minded people. When you have written as much material as I have and there's this need to get it produced and I need other people to produce and do my stuff.

Having written 12 completed films scripts and at least 10 incomplete there is the need for me to say "Hey man , your on my team now, do this project". In fact form a company
My first love is my sketches because they are the best things I've written.
My ambitious side wants to be the creator of a very good Australian sitcom.
As for the film scripts all I ever wanted to do was to make a few myself and sell the others to the right people. 
People who understand my brand.

I realised Spielberg did this early on especially when he made the films like THE TWILIGHT ZONE and got other directors involved. Joe Dante and John Landis eg.

Quick story: I had a few drinks at the Sit Down Comedy Club one night and one Brisbane comedian asked me a question about why I do stand up at my age. ( I was 40 at the time)  I said "I decided to give stand up a go because I wanted to meet "Like minded people" and all I met was a pack of cunts. ( that got around pretty quickly).

MY BRAND OF COMEDY

MY BRAND OF COMEDY

 Step into the world of the delusional for a second.

So it's comedy so you look at studios like Paramount or Orion.
Low to medium budget, but I do write some big budget style scripts so they'd have to go elsewhere.
Brisk paced comedy. Usually my story ideas are very good. can never figure out why someone else hasn't thought of them.  THE MAD WEEKEND,  BABY CAME BACK , AFTER DEATH , MAN OF THE PEOPLE  good examples
Contemporary or very modern music score. Australian soundtrack. No guitars in the score though.
Australians have produced many great forgotten songs popular songs, which means they aren't all that popular anymore .  

A regular cast of comedians and acting talent and a regular crew.

The film script has a basic story with an obvious ending.

Along the way:  

BUDGET

There are no shots from helicopters.

There are no car chases.

There are very few stunts.

 

STYLE 

There is conflict amongst the protagonist and his nemesis but nothing earth shattering. ( Like a western)

There are cameos from other comedians. I like comedians doing comedy.

 There are scenes which are essentially sketches.

There a a series of weird characters .

There has to be plenty of funny lines within the sketches. All comedy performers get laugh lines.

THE FILM STUDIOS BRAND

THE FILM STUDIOS BRAND

One of my things is having a love of the old Hollywood and hard cover books on each of the major studios.

For most of the twentieth century Hollywood was run by major studios. They all had their own brand and of course there was the brand within a brand. This is how they were up to the 1950's.

MGM:  ( Irving J Thalberg -1936) Louis Mayer Sam Goldwyn          
Big budget musicals and dramas  and likeable friendly stars.
Clark Gable  James Stewart  Cary Grant Gene Kelly  Judy Garland

Warners   Jack Warner    
Moderate budget well told contemporary movies with  major stars Bogart ,Cagney and Bette Davis.
The exception being big budget colour movies with their biggest star Errol Flynn

Columbia  Harry Cohn
 Moderate budget but very well made films. Some big budget films
Great black and white photography.
Big name character actors as leads.
Tragically The Three Stooges saved this studio and were only ever on small wages.

Paramount       Adolf Zukor
Mainly Comedies. Bid budget  With comedies you don't need big name directors. Just tradesman like.
The Marx Brothers, Bob Hope Bing Crosby, Abbott and Costello, Martin and Lewis.
Dramatic Stars Gary Cooper,  Marlene Dietrich William Holden

2oth Century Fox     Darryl F Zanuck
Glossy Dramas . Glossy B grade films
Tyrone Power Gregory Peck


RKO  Howard Hughes
Lower Budget films
Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers musicals. Robert Mitchum
The studio where big names went to make personal independent films.
Eg Billy Wilder with Double Indemnity.


Whether the film was good or bad each of these studios had a mark which typified the studio.

COMEDY DEVICES =A bag of Tricks.

Comedy Devices

So I start writing a script and you just want to kick it off so you go to your comedy devices, which is a bag of tricks. Notice the heading. With me i often start off by reworking one of my stand up routines into a conversation. That's easy enough. Now it may not make it into the final draft but it kick starts the writing process for me. In LAST  NIGHT OF THE HOODOO'S  the first thing I wrote now appears on about page 60 and instead of being 4 pages it's now 4 lines.

First of all I love devices. I became aware than i n Woody Allen's early films he often made reference to "Chicken Salad" and every now and then he uses it again. So If he made a film now and mentioned "chicken salad"  I'd probably be the only one in the cinema laughing  but that's what he wants. That what all writers want. THAT FAN.

 Benny Hill was packed full of deices so much so that , that's what had us laughing  before the gag. Now here's the tricky part, he's not telegraphing the joke, it's just that we are so into him we know the joke. It's subtle but that's how it works.

Mel Brooks had a style just full of devices. Started off making comedies set in the past , full of references in the now. Cleavon Little in BLAZING SADDLES with the words Gucci on his saddle.

BUT there is a limit. Those terrible Jim Abrahams films like HOT SHOTS in which it's 100 minutes of devices and nothing else. Admittedly I've never completed watching any of films. I think that was the movie in which there was like 30 sight gags in first 5 minutes where  one would have been enough.

Anyway here's one which I would use. Some characters are in a room with a TV. Whether it's background or foreground there is a ridiculous scene going on for the film on that T.V. that may be totally irrelevant to the film.

FARRELLY BROTHERS HYPOTHETICAL FILM

FARRELLY BROTHERS HYPOTHETICAL FILM

I'm a fan of the Farrelly Brothers.
Let's say that they know that I am a major fan and they contact me.

 "Mick we've got two films we'd like to do right now but we can only do one".
And I go "Yes".
Here's the deal we have Desperate Dave Does Delaware  and The Stick Up both Farrelly Brothers scripts ( of course) and want them both to be made right now, but we need you to put up the money 50 million dollars and you can be the director.

Interesting
Okay so I read the scripts and I go for Desperate Dave Does Delaware.
So I get the money and I'm set to make a Farrelly Brothers film. What a privilege.
Hang on , who's it a privilege for.
Well it's a privilege for them because I have put up the risk.
And it's a privilege for me because I get to direct and produce one of there scripts.

THE FARRELLY BRAND

The Farrelly Brand is this.

Wacky story
Lead character a bit aggressive
One Taboo subject - let's try Incest
6 gross out scenes
Good casting
Late 60's to early 70's soundtrack.
Happy Ending

That is there brand. They trust me with it.
They hear about my cast and they are excited . Good cast. Jim Carrey, Beyonce.


THE PREMIERE
I'm sitting between Peter and Bobby

Film Opens
Jim Carrey and Beyonce Knowles:                                                  They smile
Frank Sinatra singing HIGH HOPES 1957                                      They grimace.
The wacky story begins.                                                                   They smile
Jim Carrey is playing a vulnerable guy                                            More grimace                                  Three of the gross out scenes are replaced with verbal repartee.     They frown.
Incest becomes an unfaithful marriage.                                            They fold their arms.
Happy Ending                                                                                  Big deal


Bobby :  What the hell was that, a Woody Allen film.

Me:        I fixed some things up,

Peter      That's not our brand.

Me          I like it, the audience like it.

Bobby     That's not our brand.

Me          Hey, next time.

Peter .     There aint no next time arse hole.


                                          THE END

Wouldn't that be a great idea for a film



Woody Allen Films as a rule cost about $20 millon dollars and gross same at box office. They make the same again on dvd and rentals.  Farrelly Brothers cost over twice that amount but are hits earning four times the production cost.

MY COUSIN RAY -SCRIPT EDITOR

MY COUSIN RAY

My Cousin Ray Ford is a very good script editor.  

Give Ray a script and he can point out things that are too long, overstated , unnecessary , all of those things which are important. He's extremely critical but when you point out your script issues and he comments he can be very helpful.  Upon my death I will give all my scripts to Ray as a form of punishment from the after life.

I suggested he should write comedy but the reality is , he wasn't a comedy writer and the with the scripts he did write he borrowed too many ideas from his favourite shows. he did write some stuff .

However give him a script to edit and he's very good. 

When I wrote my GET SMART film script he asked could he write some scenes. He did and they are in the final copy. I'm sure I've given him a co writing credit.

His style was more Mel Brooks-Buck Henry which was a good thing because I went the Arne Sultan Leonard Stern, Allan Burns and Chris Hayward style.

MICK STEEL : FUNNY GUY

Mick Steel Funny Guy.

I've had a lot of people over my journey say to me that I'm  a very funny guy.. 

This is true but how did this come about?  I spent a few years on the OPEN MIKE circuit and was really surprised that most of the comedians were not funny people. Some were neither funny on stage or off.

So what makes me this funny guy?

1.  Well first of all you've got to be likeable and this is where so many "Open mike" comedians fall at the first hurdle. To be likeable is not being opinionated nor contradictory nor critical of everything. But that is just about being likeable.

I started telling dirty jokes at school before I was  10 years old. My stepfather would come home from work telling these jokes and I would tell them at school. And I would laugh as if I knew what they meant and the the reality was I didn't know what most of them meant. And I kept telling them and as I grew older I found out hat they meant.

Like: What part of Popeye never goes rusty?                                                                                               The part he puts in Olive Oyl. 

I got in trouble for telling that in class. I had no idea what it meant.

So anyway by the age of 12 or 13 this funny kid thing was  my niche. Since no one reads this blog page here's the trick to be me being a funny guy.

 2 I'm at my funniest when being seriously honest. 

 3 I'm aware that I talk in my own style. It irritates the fuck out of me so it must do to others but it me. I say something, repeat it and then go onto another tangent or reference.

So is that all that funny? Not yet.

When I want or wanted  to be funny I talk in extremes. 

Comparisons are to either Jesus Christ or Hitler. When I talk in numbers they are ridiculously big.

And  I think the other thing is I often say nothing. 

 And then there is the Graham Kennedy factor.  When watching Blankey Blanks in particular Graham used to say things so that panellist , Ugly Dave gray, Stuart Wagstaff, whoever had the punchline. he  let other s crack the joke. I do that .I start saying something and let other s do the joke Because once you let other people be funny they walk away thinking that you are the funniest person they have met.

And then we go back to the extremes. the extremes get the laugh.

However , when I  tell a true story like the Carl Ditterich story, it's the opposite. The story in itself is extreme so very word I say is matter of fact.

That's about it. The secret to being funny.

AUSTRALIAN SKETCH COMEDIES

Australian Sketch Comedies

 The Australian sketch comedy show is usually 45 minutes long taking up a one hour time slot

It consists of a dozen unknown performers and 37 writers none of whom perform.

The reality is that once the show is over most of the writers and performers disappear from our screens forever. You'd think by now that I'd know the name of one top Australian comedy writer, but I don't.

Because there are a dozen performers you really don't know where to focus , however one of those dozen is usually pretty good.

Let's say there are 20 sketches in the show. Each sketch is a send up of a current TV show and each sketch is done twice or as they say there's a call back.

The next episode is a copy of the first with no new characters, no rearranging of sketches.  

I usually don't get past the second episode.

THE LATE SHOW with 6 performers who all wrote their own sketches is about the only one I've ever liked.

That about covers it.

 

I DREAM OFJEANNIE

 I DREAM OF JEANNIE
A great show of the 60"s

What really makes this show great? ( Besides Barbara Eden)

Unforgettable theme.
You know they use about ten different little tunes as a score every episode.

When they enter the house they use an altered version of the theme.
When Dr Bellows questions something they use this quizzical tune ( my favourite)
When Tony goes to NASA there's a military band.
For Slapstick they have this up tempo bit.
Then there's incidental music when there's more serious dialogue building the plot.
Occasionally they use a 60's cool type tune to hurry things up.
and a few others,
and that is why it's so good.

Possibly only 2 minutes of silence per show.

This show is has the best score of all TV shows, and it ticks all the other boxes as well.