OPEN MIKE - STAND UP Part 2

 Part 2 

Although this is about my experiences in stand up I am condensing the experiences so that it's to the point. If I wrote an anecdote about every good and bad experience which I had and the people I met, well, that would be called a book and a very boring book.

THE OPEN MIKERS
When you begin your tenure as an  Open Mike comic you find that you are one of about a dozen new comics on the scene. These guys and gals are your new workmates, they are not your friends, although it's great if you are friendly, and they may become your friends in time but initially they are just people who turn up at the same venue as you do each week. And they are competitive. I personally found that the group which I started with got on pretty well,  some were indifferent to me, but hey, it was generally a very good group.
(One thing I found that everyone involved in comedy has a different comedy taste so it's not necessarily a scene to find like minded people. Far from it.) However some of that group had problems with other members of the group. Taking on board I was nearly 40 and married and these were mainly 20-30 year old's  so they were mixing with each other more. Anyway, the general feeling at an open mike venue is that no one wants you to do shit-house because that makes it harder for the next act, and no one wants you to do too good because that is ego deflating.


PAYMENT
The open mike scene means that as an open mike comic you do the pubs Sunday to Thursday performing to between ten and thirty people and if you get some good feedback you get to do Friday and Saturday night at the clubs performing to maybe 250 people.
As an open mike you don't get paid. The information I 'm giving here is what a number of comics have told me and they've all told me the the same figures.
At mid week venues the promoter gets $900 (that was 6-7 years ago) from the pub. Of that $900 the MC got about $250 and the lights and sound guy got about $200. So the promoter gets $450 a night and the promoter may have a dozen venues, most weekly so that there's a gig for every night of the week. Not bad. Take on board there's no cover charge by the pub and no radio or TV advertising by the promoter so it's all word of mouth and maybe a generic poster. I hope that makes sense.

I think each act should get $20 for the effort.  Greed rules though , and if that will never apply a weeknight venue I think It should definitely apply for the Friday and Saturday night venues with interstate headliners, packed rooms and the open mike is part of the show.

I remember at the end of my first year I was in  this hilarious conversation.
 Me         When's the party?.
Comic     What party?
Me           The end of year party.
Comic      What end of year party?
Me            The end of year party to thank us.
Comic       Pardon.
Me           Well we've been performing at pubs and clubs all year without any payment so I can only assume that at the end of the year the promoter puts on food and drinks for us to show his support          and appreciation for making him heaps of money.
Comic       You've got be kidding

What's hilarious is that I'm a complete idiot at times.

I know a few comics who have demanded payment after about 6 performances but  that is ridiculous also because they don't know their craft and I believe open mike is about learning the comedy craft. I was offered a paid gig after my ninth performance, I refused saying "I'm not ready". That was a mistake because it was 18 months before I got was paid again and that time I accepted.

In 2006 a comedian who went under the name Motormouth started a Sunday night Pub venue. Part of his thing was that everyone who did perform did get $20 and they got it on the night , and sure enough it went straight back over the bar so everyone was a winner.

THE VENUE
The pub is the stock standard open mike venue. The pub has no interest in the comedians they are there to sell beer. That has to be noted. Every pub is different and I for one couldn't give a rats. Some are better than others. I recall The Holland Hotel had a few huge pylons in the middle of the room which meant patrons had to sit strategically so they could see you. But my thinking in all cases was that there's nothing I could do about the room so why worry about it.

GETTING THE BEST OUT OF YOURSELF
Normally at an open mike night there are about 8 acts, sometimes there's twice that many but rarely. My thing was to get up first. No one ever had an issue with this. No one, ever.  The reason being is that the MC had has just got up, he's done his stuff , he's warmed up the audience and they are at their best and if you are going to get a good intro, it's more likely to be after they've done their big 10-15 minute warm up. I learnt this after about ten performances and being first helped my confidence. If  by some chance I missed the opening spot I chose to be first act after the interval ( usually five minutes so people get drinks), because this is when the MC also does a high energy piece. Coming on last or second last sounds important but if the audience hasn't been receptive to the other acts you can be beaten before you start, even if you do well. Or everyone has gone home.

THE MC
At an open mike venue you soon get used to your surrounds. I'm talking about the same venue which you rock up to every week. The staff is the same, the audience are often the same people and you are performing with the same comics . The one thing that changes each week is the MC. In Brisbane the MC is also a headliner or main support at the big venues on the weekend. What does this mean? It means that in most cases he doesn't want to be at the pub gig on Tuesday night. Ok it's frustrating for him/her. You are now with a group of people who you know and they know you except the MC.

The MC is often you worst enemy at the open mike venue. He doesn't want to be there and he thinks all the acts are shit. He's wondering why he's there on Tuesday night when he should be playing The Entertainment Centre  or being on some TV show.  Some of them have no problem conveying this message to comics and audiences alike with microphone in hand. But they go into this venue with one thing which you don't have and that's the experience and stagecraft to make your night a misery so that they can feel good about themselves.

One MC story for this piece.
My comedy mate Mike Shanahan was performing on a Friday night at a venue at which there was a cover charge. He was the support. It didn't stop MC and headliner throwing coasters at him when on stage. He still talks abut it. More of these types of stories later, because some of them are shockers.
I do think the promoter has the job to tell the MC that part of his job is to build up the acts and support them and not shit can and abuse them and I told a promoter that after an incident involving myself.

THE LEARNING PHASE
The main thing to remember when you are in this learning phase is that you are in this learning phase. Get up and do your seven minutes, I would do six to six and a half just so I didn't piss anyone off,  but also because I could concentrate on getting that right. The thing with Stand Up Comedy is that it's all about "me" but you have to say to yourself "Is it all about 'me' tonight in front of this crowd of 15 people or am I using it so it can be all about me in front of 1000 people". Rehearse your lines and get your time up there right. Listen to what they laugh at and figure out what they laugh at and why and what they don't laugh at and why? Cut bits and add bits. Get it right. No one cares but you, really.


Mick Steel writer of a play or screenplay called OPEN MIKE about one night at a pub comedy venue.

OPEN MIKE - My Experience in Stand Up. PART 1

 

 Part 1

I was sending comedy sketches away to TV shows for years and having material used without credit or payment. These were the highest profile shows in Australia and back in the days of snail mail you sent it to the "The Producer" but you never knew who was actually getting the mail. To clarify something I only had stuff used by commercial stations and not the ABC.

By 1999 and approaching 39 I was contemplating "STAND UP" something I'd attempted four times prior to the establishment of a comedy club in Brisbane and the terrible experience I had in 1990 is a story for another day , but I vowed never to try it again. ( The really sad part is that six months after I really my bad experience, THE SIT DOWN COMEDY CLUB opened in Brisbane and I was invited many times to be one of the original acts but I refused). I'm one of the few people known as as a genuinely funny guy, when Mick Steel talks, you will laugh, imagine having that tag hanging over you.

So nine years later I was desperate, just like I am now to get my stuff out there , get my name out there and take on the world, because I think getting into comedy is about taking on the world.

The first thing I did was spend my Friday and Saturday nights at a comedy club in Brisbane  watching the open mike performers, watching the paid performers and watching the MC's  as well as watching the audience for their response. At 39 and in my situation I was going to take this professionally.

As for material  I had plenty of routines to begin with. But how's this one of my mates an actor who call himself Janus (that's not his name and he looks very much like Paul McDermott ) said he wanted to hear it. I wrote a piece called SHORT FAT BALD AND UGLY which was okay  funny but Janus reviewed it. He said "Don't do it because when you get on stage they know your short, bald and over weight. ( The ugly was a self deprecatory assessment) They can see that so give them something else, give them something more. He was right so I never did it. Not only was he right, there was more to it at than that , because the Fat guys (there's heaps of them) do the Fat jokes , the tall guy does the Tall jokes , the short guy YEP and The Bald Guy YEP It's downright monotonous.

So I finally get my first spot, it took a month or so of ringing up and there's no interview process. I find this really wrong.
But in my time I've come up with 6 rules which I stuck by then and stick by on those odd occasions I do  gigs now.

These were my rules for me.

1 Be at the venue there half an hour early.
2 Dress to perform  ( Nothing pisses me off  more for starters than a comic in an un-ironed T shirt.)
3 Do you spot in the required time. If they say 7 minutes do 7 minutes, not 7 minutes 15 seconds.or like many others 12 minutes.  It shows a lack of character and that you're greedy.
4 Don't talk to the audience, that's the MC's job, do your material.(and the MC gets pissed off if an open mike comic chats with the audience)
5 Don't use the C WORD . For a start women leave, and the venue is in the business of selling alcohol and meals not comedy.
6 Don't have an alcoholic drink for confidence, have one after you've been up.

Anyway,  I stuck by those rules

Once when I  bumped into the guy who runs the Brisbane Comedy Scene and we were having a friendly talk and he asked me why I had stopped performing. ( Like he never rang me)
He was taken aback when my response was " I got no support from you ever but I was Never late, Dressed to perform , never went over time , did my material only , never talked to the audience, never said the C word, never turned up drunk or stoned and GOT BIG LAUGHS and I never got a support spot".
He nearly ran away from me.

In my first night I followed my creed, had to introduce myself to the MC and got up. I was beyond scared, beyond petrified, I stumbled over a few words but I'd rehearsed the routine 23 times that day. That was my figure each performance. I asked to be introduced as a first timer so the audience were warm.

On my first night my 7 minutes was
4 one liners                          - Very Rodney Danger field/Shandling Woody Allen
Short routine GOD RINGS  - Very Woody Allen
Longer Routine Bullshit Artist -Very Me , very Australian
Another 4 one liners.             -Very Dangerfield/Shandling Allen again

The one liners and my God Rings routine went over good.
But Bullshit Artists a set up followed by a series of bullshit lines has the men in hysterics but left the women cold. The laughter was big but I was aware of  what was going on. Men love bullshit artists,as much as they think not,  but women hate them, They think they are are all married to one or seeing a bullshit artist so they were cold about it.
Never did that routine again.

End of Part 1

TV REVIEW MASTERS of HORROR JENIFER

 

I'm doing a review about this show because 1 it was made and 2 I wonder why?

TELEVISION  EPISODE   REVIEW

MASTERS OF HORROR             JENIFER    ( spoilers totally included)

Starring         Steven Weber 

Directed by    Dario Argento

Masters of Horror is a television series made between 2005-2007.  It was most likely made for cable as I'd never heard of it and is notable for some good guest stars and primarily for the use of leading Hollywood horror directors.

The series is in the vain of the THE TWILIGHT ZONE with 3 notable additions.

1 Gore

2 Nudity 

3 The word "Fuck": or profanities.

The box sets are available at the moment for $6.98  and are great value.

As a child I loved THE TWILIGHT ZONE and THE NIGHT STALKER but otherwise I  wasn't into horror. I bought these box sets because my wife is into horror. Most of the episodes are good to very good.

Regardless of me being into horror or not I feel compelled to question an episode called JENIFER.

You see whether a story is a comedy, romance, thriller or horror it still has to be done right.

Production values aside JENIFER is so badly done I wonder how it got made as it did.

It opens with a man about to kill a woman with a cleaver. She is tied up and we can't see her face.

Nearby is a detective called Frank (Steven Weber) who shouts for the man to put the cleaver down. The man shouts back "She has to be killed" and attempts to kill her but Frank shoots him dead. He then goes over to the woman Jenifer , turns her around and what is revealed is a seriously deformed face. An extremely grotesque face. At this point I knew and you will know that this is how this story ends. Frank will be killed in exactly the same manner.

Let's cut to the chase here.

Frank is soon at home telling his attractive wife he has just killed a man for the first time. He's upset.

So, he visits the mental asylum to which Jenifer has been sent.
Now get this, he is taken to the showers to see Jenifer whilst she is naked and showering. True. Many guys will be where is this mental asylum?

He then has her released into his custody, brings her home and has her sleeping on the couch. Frank checks on her and she strips naked and starts kissing him and Frank's wife enters catching them. Then when Jenifer turns around and reveals her grotesque self the wife screams. Frank's son then enters commenting something like "Ugly but great tits". (Not as funny as that). Frank says she will be here for one night.

A day passes and Frank returns from an outing with is wife and they hear a noise in the attic. Jenifer is eating their pet cat alive. Frank snaps into action and sends his wife and teenage son away, leaving him alone with Jenifer. The normal reaction to finding some eating your cat fur and all.

So Jenifer starts giving Frank sex and oral sex and Frank is infatuated. I'd be scared.

The next day when Frank returns home Jenifer has eaten the neighbours five year old daughter.

Frank as I mentioned is a detective so he goes to the freak show which just happens to be appearing at the town. He tells the freak show boss about Jenifer and says she's be a great addition to his show. He gives him money and keys to get into his house to kidnap her. 

When Frank returns home he's expecting Jenifer to be gone but alas she has killed the freak show boss and stuffed what's left of him in the fridge. 

No sign of police investigating the disappearance of the child or the freak show operator.

So Frank runs away with Jenifer, he gets a job and by chance the bosses son stumbles upon Jenifer so she eats him. Now this is too much for Frank. He gets an axe to kill her, but a poor sniper sees Frank and kills him and thus the sniper is in the same boat as Frank ...... WOW .

..........and the moral to the story is that as long as your getting your knob sucked all bets are off.

Now on IMDB some rate this 10/10.

So what's my point. 

It should have been good. Maybe very good in the horror genre.

Start off with Frank and  Jenifer in a car together. 

She is not grotesque, in fact she gorgeous. But let's say mute.

From what Frank says to her we know that he has just killed someone.

Frank is not a cop, he is more of a travelling salesman.

Ok he's infatuated by her, and he's getting the great sex  but what he doesn't know, is that she kills every woman Frank talks to and very violently. (for the horror buffs).  Out of jealousy she just kills.

Eventually Frank sees a news item on television about a series of murders puts two and two together ( and we devise a sensible reason for Frank needing to kill Jenifer which wouldn't be hard to come up with) and then Frank is killed in the same way as guy originally killed and of course, we then flashback to Frank killing the guy. That's Frank seeing the story unfold.
And Frank's done what he did because she was very very beautiful and that makes sense.

At least this way it still retains it's horror, gore, nudity and profanity aspects for good measure.

AUSTRALIA'S SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE (Film idea)

AUSTRALIA'S SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE

When I went to see SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE it was after it won BEST FILM OSCAR. An entertaining film but I couldn't see any reason for the Oscar. In fact I thought our own Eddie McGuire would have been far more convincing as the host of the show than the actor used in the film.

I've written many scripts and my strongest theme is SCAM GONE WRONG. Most of the scams are spur of the moment or badly thought out.

So I'm watching MILLIONAIRE  HOTSEAT recently and I've thought of this many times but for the first time as a script.

One question wrong and the prize drops from $1,000,000 to $250,000.
And this came to mind.

We are introduced to a characters who is about to be a contestant on HOT SEAT
We get to know this guy and his situation.
He turns up for the big day at HOT SEAT.
He sits next to a guy and they get chatting.
Now they discuss their ambitions with the show and also they agree that it's greedy to have a guess when you have no idea , when a pass means you're keeping the $1,000,000 alive.
They also discuss their special subjects.

CUT TO THE CHASE
Our protagonist has worked his way to the $1,000,000 question.
Eddie asks the question and we know he has no idea.
We also know that this is other guys "Subject"
In what is the longest one minute imaginable our protagonist says "PASS".
"Eddie" is bewildered.
Our protagonist " If I get it wrong I get $1000 and he gets nothing.But I think this guy may get it right.
Next Other Guy gets it right. Wins the $1,000,000
But other guy could not care less about our protagonist. His mantra is now "Never give a sucker an even break".
And we are about two thirds of the way through the film.
What happens?
I don't know yet.

HOW TO MAKE A GOOD AUSSIE SITCOM

HOW TO MAKE A GOOD AUSSIE SITCOM

 I've written this article many times and then deleted the lot. What I've said is ok , I just haven't liked the way I've said it or gone about it.

To make a sitcom which works on commercial TV in Australia these things are needed.

1. A well developed protagonist. Like FRASIER - A star character.

2 A sitcom based in a situation with which Australians will identify.

3 Not a small group of  "CLOSED SHOP" writers but all the best comedy writers that this country has to offer, but in doing so, make very strong guidelines clear. ( No parody musical numbers for one at least not in the first season )

4  Big name guest stars. Now this is not necessary in the USA but it is necessary here. Our audiences want it.

5 Not a small group of "CLOSED SHOP" writers but all the best comedy writers that this country has to

offer. Did I say that, well that the main one.

I've written a pilot and outlines for a sitcom called DR SPORTZ. 

which is FRASIER  meets ARLISS  and LARRY SANDERS but for an Australian audience.

What does that mean?
Strong Egotistical male lead character.
Family situation
Work situation . ( In this case sport)
Sporting guest stars.

That's the shell of the idea.

And to think all my other articles on this were four times as long.