Part 1
I was sending comedy sketches away to TV shows for years and having material used without credit or payment. These were the highest profile shows in Australia and back in the days of snail mail you sent it to the "The Producer" but you never knew who was actually getting the mail. To clarify something I only had stuff used by commercial stations and not the ABC.
By 1999 and approaching 39 I was contemplating "STAND UP" something I'd attempted four times prior to the establishment of a comedy club in Brisbane and the terrible experience I had in 1990 is a story for another day , but I vowed never to try it again. ( The really sad part is that six months after I really my bad experience, THE SIT DOWN COMEDY CLUB opened in Brisbane and I was invited many times to be one of the original acts but I refused). I'm one of the few people known as as a genuinely funny guy, when Mick Steel talks, you will laugh, imagine having that tag hanging over you.
So nine years later I was desperate, just like I am now to get my stuff out there , get my name out there and take on the world, because I think getting into comedy is about taking on the world.
The first thing I did was spend my Friday and Saturday nights at a comedy club in Brisbane watching the open mike performers, watching the paid performers and watching the MC's as well as watching the audience for their response. At 39 and in my situation I was going to take this professionally.
As for material I had plenty of routines to begin with. But how's this one of my mates an actor who call himself Janus (that's not his name and he looks very much like Paul McDermott ) said he wanted to hear it. I wrote a piece called SHORT FAT BALD AND UGLY which was okay funny but Janus reviewed it. He said "Don't do it because when you get on stage they know your short, bald and over weight. ( The ugly was a self deprecatory assessment) They can see that so give them something else, give them something more. He was right so I never did it. Not only was he right, there was more to it at than that , because the Fat guys (there's heaps of them) do the Fat jokes , the tall guy does the Tall jokes , the short guy YEP and The Bald Guy YEP It's downright monotonous.
So I finally get my first spot, it took a month or so of ringing up and there's no interview process. I find this really wrong.
But in my time I've come up with 6 rules which I stuck by then and stick by on those odd occasions I do gigs now.
These were my rules for me.
1 Be at the venue there half an hour early.
2 Dress to perform ( Nothing pisses me off more for starters than a comic in an un-ironed T shirt.)
3 Do you spot in the required time. If they say 7 minutes do 7 minutes, not 7 minutes 15 seconds.or like many others 12 minutes. It shows a lack of character and that you're greedy.
4 Don't talk to the audience, that's the MC's job, do your material.(and the MC gets pissed off if an open mike comic chats with the audience)
5 Don't use the C WORD . For a start women leave, and the venue is in the business of selling alcohol and meals not comedy.
6 Don't have an alcoholic drink for confidence, have one after you've been up.
Anyway, I stuck by those rules
Once when I bumped into the guy who runs the Brisbane Comedy Scene and we were having a friendly talk and he asked me why I had stopped performing. ( Like he never rang me)
He was taken aback when my response was " I got no support from you ever but I was Never late, Dressed to perform , never went over time , did my material only , never talked to the audience, never said the C word, never turned up drunk or stoned and GOT BIG LAUGHS and I never got a support spot".
He nearly ran away from me.
In my first night I followed my creed, had to introduce myself to the MC and got up. I was beyond scared, beyond petrified, I stumbled over a few words but I'd rehearsed the routine 23 times that day. That was my figure each performance. I asked to be introduced as a first timer so the audience were warm.
On my first night my 7 minutes was
4 one liners - Very Rodney Danger field/Shandling Woody Allen
Short routine GOD RINGS - Very Woody Allen
Longer Routine Bullshit Artist -Very Me , very Australian
Another 4 one liners. -Very Dangerfield/Shandling Allen again
The one liners and my God Rings routine went over good.
But Bullshit Artists a set up followed by a series of bullshit lines has the men in hysterics but left the women cold. The laughter was big but I was aware of what was going on. Men love bullshit artists,as much as they think not, but women hate them, They think they are are all married to one or seeing a bullshit artist so they were cold about it.
Never did that routine again.
End of Part 1
