THE WRITING OF PONDEROSA

 I've almost finished writing the best comedy film script I've ever written PONDEROSA.

First of all BONANZA is one of my very favourite shows of all time. Top 5.  I watch it now on Foxtel at least few times a week. Back in the 90's it was on Channel 9 at midnight and I finished work at 11pm so I'd watch it before going to bed. I'd go into work the next day and I had a running joke with my work mate Terry Keir.
It went this way.
Did you watch Bonanza last night?
Yes.
And what was the lesson?
DON"T FUCK WITH THE CARTWRIGHT'S.


Six years ago I started writing PONDEROSA a comedy tribute and feature length send up of BONANZA and it's now near completion. I have many excuses for why it has taken so long but over that time I had written 30 pages of notes and had many visions in my head of what was going to happen.
At the same time I was writing another script which has still gone nowhere.
So I've just had some time off work and almost completed PONDEROSA and it's looking good.
So what is PONDEROSA and what is not PONEDROSA.


IT'S NOT
It's not a Zucker Abrahams Scary Movie type. ( Apologies to the Zuckers because they created a comedy genre that has been abused so that films in their style are now ridiculous, or shithouse or both).

So it's not a western in which characters use mobile phones and computers carry automatic weapons and have many irrelevant things going on in the background and foreground. The are no scenes with 10 pointless gags per minute.

IT'S NOT
A gross out western, so that although there's plenty of killings and accidents the injuries aren't highlighted for "laughs".

IT'S NOT
Full of swearing and "cuss words" because I want the biggest audience possible if possible, but there's plenty of sexual innuendo which Is what I use to instead.


IT'S NOT
A lame likable frolic, it's full of comedy. It's fucking comedy.

IT IS Not at all like BLAZING SADDLES in a comedy sense.

IT IS Like BLAZING SADDLES in a style and budget sense. I'm writing a big picture .

IT IS
A big budget big scale western. I can picture  a few actors as Ben Cartwright as Ben is hilarious, so Will Ferrell would be my first choice, but there are a few others who would fit. 

IT IS
FUNNY for every minute and seldom lets up. I had to write comedy comedy comedy at the top of each page.

IT IS
A film with a paper thin plot and surrounding that plot are many big scenes or big sketches, so in that sense it resembles the MONTY PYTHON films.

IT IS
 A film with send ups of other westerns such as Brokeback Mountain, but it's not Zucker like so not every scene is a send up. I've been very selective and as an avid BONANZA and THE VIRGINIAN viewer.  I've chosen to tweak scenes from those shows rather than look for film send ups.

IT IS
A film with big scale sight gags  but is heavy on verbal jokes.

That's it for now as it's still not completed but getting close.

Note: 2022 and it is complete.

FILM REVIEWS :CAT BALLOU & THE GOOD GUYS and the BAD GUYS

Two films I've watched recently. Both Comedy westerns

CAT BALLOU   1965 

IMDB RATING 6.9

AFI Funniest 100 films Rating Number 50

Starring  : Jane Fonda and Lee Marvin

Directed by : Eliot Silverstein

Screenplay  : Walter Newman and Frank R Pierson

Based on a novel by  : Ray Chanslor


THE GOOD GUYS & THE BAD GUYS 1969 
Robert Mitchum and George Kennedy & Tina Louise

IMDB RATING
6.2

Directed by Burt Kennedy

Screenplay
Ronald M Cohen and Dennis Shryack


Cat Ballou was huge hit and The Good Guys and the Bad Guys not so.
These two films are lightweight comedy westerns, but the word lightweight is more appropriate than comedy.
Sure lots of mildly amusing things happen, like in Cat Ballou there's a guy who fires his gun and from 20 metres away misses a barn and in The Good Guys and the Bad Guys there are people chasing a runaway train in cars and on horses.

The banter is cute and snappy and the actors are all smiling and having a great time so there's some entertainment value.........but mainly for them.

CAT BALLOU made NO 50 in the AFI top 100 comedies of all time and this is beyond  my comprehension. There has to be a criteria and it just doesn't make the criteria. The criteria has to include funny and it's not funny it's mildly humourous.

I can watch Jane Fonda in anything and Tina Louise is so drop dead gorgeous in The Good Guys and the Bad Guys it makes me wonder why she didn't get more work. Seriously.

But there is a bottom line here and the bottom line here is there are no funny lines, no laughs, especially no belly laughs and the stark reality is that without funny lines, it aint comedy.

I'LL BE SEEING YOU GARRY SHANDLING

Late one night in the late 80's I was sitting up as usual and this new show came on Channel 9. Called It's Garry Shandling Show I watched and thought this is a very funny guy and the most refreshing show I'd ever seen.

As a night shift worker the show and Garry became a part of my life. As they are saying now he broke the fourth wall by talking to the audience but that was just one of many devices he used. It wasn't the devices which won me over it was his comedy, his ability to twist a sentence and turn everything on it's head.

The show was very inventive and very funny.  In American terms it was low budget and that always works for me.

Then Garry disappeared off our screens for a few years and then I heard of The Larry Sanders Show.
I watched the first episode and admittedly didn't know what he was doing. I thought this is pretty full on. I'm not afraid to admit that it was way ahead of anything I'd dreamed of , but by the third episode I totally got it and once I got it I was like it's biggest fan.

I don't intend to go into detail suffice to say I think it's the best sitcom ever.

I think the last episode is as good as the last episode of CHEERS and THE MARY TYLER MOORE SHOW.

Since it finished I've missed Garry and occasionally seen him as a guest on a tonight Show.

When I did stand up comedy I wrote many routines and lines in the "Shandling" style.

Only this week I became aware that his feature film WHAT PLANET ARE YOU FROM was an enormous flop. Budget $50 million with world wide returns of  $7 million. I know at the time I liked it and thought it was very funny and I guess I was allowed to enjoy it. Sure the whirring penis angle was uncomfortable at some stages but sometimes it was funny. Well he made it funny.

Who knows what caused his death. I saw him on Letterman and thought he looked very unwell.
I was like a little kid when I saw him in IRON MAN 2. There's Garry There's Garry.

On a purely selfish level I miss that I will never get to meet him, well not yet anyway.

There's very few major new comedy influences around now , especially Louis CK  with  Larry David, Seth McFarlane and Steven Levitan but there's not much on the horizon.
I miss you Garry and I will always love you and your comedy, you are one of my greatest influences.

60's &70's comedies and their WRITERS.

The sitcom is my favourite genre of comedy.
Makes sense, because as a kid you grow up with sitcoms.
I didn't  grow up with too many sketch comedies, there were a few but sitcoms were on every day of the week , whereas sketch comedies were on for 6 weeks and then disappeared until the next year. Also, they were more for the adults.  Also you couldn't see a new release film in my era, you had to wait a few years for television release. As one of the greatest Woody Allen fans the first Woody Allen film I saw was BANANAS late one night on Channel Ten in 1977, and as a kid I only saw stand up comics doing bits on TV specials.

But sitcoms, they were comedies kids could watch.

Why doesn't Australia have great sitcoms.
Answer: You need great comedy writers and the reality is that great sitcom comedy writers are not easy to find.
 Here is a list of some of my favourite comedies. ( in Chronological order) and on the right side are writers who had major involvement in these shows

ROCKY & BULLWINKLE      Chris Hayward  Allan Burns
THE MUNSTERS      Chris Hayward, Allan Burns
GET SMART   Chris Hayward Allan Burns Arne Sultan
MARY TYLER MOORE SHOW  Allan Burns
BARNEY MILLER   Chris Hayward  Arne Sultan

Or
McHALES NAVY  Laurence Marks
F TROOP  Laurence Marks   Arthur Julian
HOGANS HEROES  Laurence Marks   Arthur Julian
MASH Laurence Marks ( Larry Gelbart)

Hollingsworth Morse was a director on all these  "service" shows.

For the record I don't find Hogan's Heroes at all funny. Love Bob Crane but it's a drama with dubbed laughter.

I've just mentioned 8 of the most popular and best sitcoms of all time plus Rocky and Bullwinkle.

Although many writers collaborated on these show it's my belief that there are very few great sitcom writers and this list shows the strong influence of the great writers of this period.
The same thing is happening now with American sitcom.
More on the 70's through to now later.

For the record  and we all love lists.GET SMART, THE MARY TYLER MOORE SHOW  & BARNEY MILLER all would be in my top ten comedies of all time. MASH would miss out because I just didn't find it funny after Henry Blake and Trapper left. It became a drama with Hawkeye Pierce.

ALL IN THE FAMILY had a different set of writers and is in my top ten. I'd lose credibility if not mentioning it and including it in my top ten.

MORE SITCOM THOUGHTS

My favourite genre of comedy is the sitcom. I think that applies to about 95% of people.
Sure we can love paying $200 to see Robin Williams or Billy Connolly. (Once in a life time experience)
Sure we love going to the flicks to see a good comedy movie and it rarely happens. ( Most comedy movies stink)
Sure we get big belly laughs from the great comedy sketches of great sketch comedians. (But we can't watch them over and over again)
But sitcoms are like our best friends.

I don't like defining sitcom. I consider half hour comedy shows in which we get to know the characters as sitcoms. So GET SMART to me is a sitcom. (yer it's satire but it's the format)

Australia doesn't do good sitcoms and there's a simple reason why.
But I digress. I've come up with a great sitcom idea and think it could be a success but here's what it needs.

For the purpose of this article I'll call it AUSSIE FAMILY (that's not the title)
AUSSIE FAMILY if gone through the procedure of every other Aussies comedy will fail no matter how good I think it's potential is.

So back to the heading.
HOW TO MAKE A SUCCESSFUL AUSSIE SITCOM?

1. Take all the key elements from the best U.S comedies. Not the British. The British don't seem how to nail a punchline.

2 Get all the best comedy writers in Australia on board. Have 20-30 writers if need be.
Australian comedies fail because of our "closed shop" mentality. We are too protective, which means scared of our project being shared.

3 Get an American from a successful sitcom to be the script editor or supervisor.

4 Forget about creating characters as such , create funny lines of a certain style for each character. Then their characters will evolve from the their lines. Look at Carla in CHEERS she evolved from just being a wise cracker.

5 Every character must have an angle no matter how small. The perfect example is Larry in NEWHART. 

 6 The characters all live in the now, the past is not part of the sitcom world.
e.g CHEERS Sam had a brother. His appearance in one episode was the extent of his involvement. Never mentioned before, never mentioned after. Same with Ted Baxter in Mary Tyler Moore Show.

GUEST STARS
Not a big thing in U.S sitcoms but for Australian sitcoms it's necessary.

That's most of my ingredients for an Aussie Sitcom.

OPEN MIKE - STAND UP Part 2

 Part 2 

Although this is about my experiences in stand up I am condensing the experiences so that it's to the point. If I wrote an anecdote about every good and bad experience which I had and the people I met, well, that would be called a book and a very boring book.

THE OPEN MIKERS
When you begin your tenure as an  Open Mike comic you find that you are one of about a dozen new comics on the scene. These guys and gals are your new workmates, they are not your friends, although it's great if you are friendly, and they may become your friends in time but initially they are just people who turn up at the same venue as you do each week. And they are competitive. I personally found that the group which I started with got on pretty well,  some were indifferent to me, but hey, it was generally a very good group.
(One thing I found that everyone involved in comedy has a different comedy taste so it's not necessarily a scene to find like minded people. Far from it.) However some of that group had problems with other members of the group. Taking on board I was nearly 40 and married and these were mainly 20-30 year old's  so they were mixing with each other more. Anyway, the general feeling at an open mike venue is that no one wants you to do shit-house because that makes it harder for the next act, and no one wants you to do too good because that is ego deflating.


PAYMENT
The open mike scene means that as an open mike comic you do the pubs Sunday to Thursday performing to between ten and thirty people and if you get some good feedback you get to do Friday and Saturday night at the clubs performing to maybe 250 people.
As an open mike you don't get paid. The information I 'm giving here is what a number of comics have told me and they've all told me the the same figures.
At mid week venues the promoter gets $900 (that was 6-7 years ago) from the pub. Of that $900 the MC got about $250 and the lights and sound guy got about $200. So the promoter gets $450 a night and the promoter may have a dozen venues, most weekly so that there's a gig for every night of the week. Not bad. Take on board there's no cover charge by the pub and no radio or TV advertising by the promoter so it's all word of mouth and maybe a generic poster. I hope that makes sense.

I think each act should get $20 for the effort.  Greed rules though , and if that will never apply a weeknight venue I think It should definitely apply for the Friday and Saturday night venues with interstate headliners, packed rooms and the open mike is part of the show.

I remember at the end of my first year I was in  this hilarious conversation.
 Me         When's the party?.
Comic     What party?
Me           The end of year party.
Comic      What end of year party?
Me            The end of year party to thank us.
Comic       Pardon.
Me           Well we've been performing at pubs and clubs all year without any payment so I can only assume that at the end of the year the promoter puts on food and drinks for us to show his support          and appreciation for making him heaps of money.
Comic       You've got be kidding

What's hilarious is that I'm a complete idiot at times.

I know a few comics who have demanded payment after about 6 performances but  that is ridiculous also because they don't know their craft and I believe open mike is about learning the comedy craft. I was offered a paid gig after my ninth performance, I refused saying "I'm not ready". That was a mistake because it was 18 months before I got was paid again and that time I accepted.

In 2006 a comedian who went under the name Motormouth started a Sunday night Pub venue. Part of his thing was that everyone who did perform did get $20 and they got it on the night , and sure enough it went straight back over the bar so everyone was a winner.

THE VENUE
The pub is the stock standard open mike venue. The pub has no interest in the comedians they are there to sell beer. That has to be noted. Every pub is different and I for one couldn't give a rats. Some are better than others. I recall The Holland Hotel had a few huge pylons in the middle of the room which meant patrons had to sit strategically so they could see you. But my thinking in all cases was that there's nothing I could do about the room so why worry about it.

GETTING THE BEST OUT OF YOURSELF
Normally at an open mike night there are about 8 acts, sometimes there's twice that many but rarely. My thing was to get up first. No one ever had an issue with this. No one, ever.  The reason being is that the MC had has just got up, he's done his stuff , he's warmed up the audience and they are at their best and if you are going to get a good intro, it's more likely to be after they've done their big 10-15 minute warm up. I learnt this after about ten performances and being first helped my confidence. If  by some chance I missed the opening spot I chose to be first act after the interval ( usually five minutes so people get drinks), because this is when the MC also does a high energy piece. Coming on last or second last sounds important but if the audience hasn't been receptive to the other acts you can be beaten before you start, even if you do well. Or everyone has gone home.

THE MC
At an open mike venue you soon get used to your surrounds. I'm talking about the same venue which you rock up to every week. The staff is the same, the audience are often the same people and you are performing with the same comics . The one thing that changes each week is the MC. In Brisbane the MC is also a headliner or main support at the big venues on the weekend. What does this mean? It means that in most cases he doesn't want to be at the pub gig on Tuesday night. Ok it's frustrating for him/her. You are now with a group of people who you know and they know you except the MC.

The MC is often you worst enemy at the open mike venue. He doesn't want to be there and he thinks all the acts are shit. He's wondering why he's there on Tuesday night when he should be playing The Entertainment Centre  or being on some TV show.  Some of them have no problem conveying this message to comics and audiences alike with microphone in hand. But they go into this venue with one thing which you don't have and that's the experience and stagecraft to make your night a misery so that they can feel good about themselves.

One MC story for this piece.
My comedy mate Mike Shanahan was performing on a Friday night at a venue at which there was a cover charge. He was the support. It didn't stop MC and headliner throwing coasters at him when on stage. He still talks abut it. More of these types of stories later, because some of them are shockers.
I do think the promoter has the job to tell the MC that part of his job is to build up the acts and support them and not shit can and abuse them and I told a promoter that after an incident involving myself.

THE LEARNING PHASE
The main thing to remember when you are in this learning phase is that you are in this learning phase. Get up and do your seven minutes, I would do six to six and a half just so I didn't piss anyone off,  but also because I could concentrate on getting that right. The thing with Stand Up Comedy is that it's all about "me" but you have to say to yourself "Is it all about 'me' tonight in front of this crowd of 15 people or am I using it so it can be all about me in front of 1000 people". Rehearse your lines and get your time up there right. Listen to what they laugh at and figure out what they laugh at and why and what they don't laugh at and why? Cut bits and add bits. Get it right. No one cares but you, really.


Mick Steel writer of a play or screenplay called OPEN MIKE about one night at a pub comedy venue.

OPEN MIKE - My Experience in Stand Up. PART 1

 

 Part 1

I was sending comedy sketches away to TV shows for years and having material used without credit or payment. These were the highest profile shows in Australia and back in the days of snail mail you sent it to the "The Producer" but you never knew who was actually getting the mail. To clarify something I only had stuff used by commercial stations and not the ABC.

By 1999 and approaching 39 I was contemplating "STAND UP" something I'd attempted four times prior to the establishment of a comedy club in Brisbane and the terrible experience I had in 1990 is a story for another day , but I vowed never to try it again. ( The really sad part is that six months after I really my bad experience, THE SIT DOWN COMEDY CLUB opened in Brisbane and I was invited many times to be one of the original acts but I refused). I'm one of the few people known as as a genuinely funny guy, when Mick Steel talks, you will laugh, imagine having that tag hanging over you.

So nine years later I was desperate, just like I am now to get my stuff out there , get my name out there and take on the world, because I think getting into comedy is about taking on the world.

The first thing I did was spend my Friday and Saturday nights at a comedy club in Brisbane  watching the open mike performers, watching the paid performers and watching the MC's  as well as watching the audience for their response. At 39 and in my situation I was going to take this professionally.

As for material  I had plenty of routines to begin with. But how's this one of my mates an actor who call himself Janus (that's not his name and he looks very much like Paul McDermott ) said he wanted to hear it. I wrote a piece called SHORT FAT BALD AND UGLY which was okay  funny but Janus reviewed it. He said "Don't do it because when you get on stage they know your short, bald and over weight. ( The ugly was a self deprecatory assessment) They can see that so give them something else, give them something more. He was right so I never did it. Not only was he right, there was more to it at than that , because the Fat guys (there's heaps of them) do the Fat jokes , the tall guy does the Tall jokes , the short guy YEP and The Bald Guy YEP It's downright monotonous.

So I finally get my first spot, it took a month or so of ringing up and there's no interview process. I find this really wrong.
But in my time I've come up with 6 rules which I stuck by then and stick by on those odd occasions I do  gigs now.

These were my rules for me.

1 Be at the venue there half an hour early.
2 Dress to perform  ( Nothing pisses me off  more for starters than a comic in an un-ironed T shirt.)
3 Do you spot in the required time. If they say 7 minutes do 7 minutes, not 7 minutes 15 seconds.or like many others 12 minutes.  It shows a lack of character and that you're greedy.
4 Don't talk to the audience, that's the MC's job, do your material.(and the MC gets pissed off if an open mike comic chats with the audience)
5 Don't use the C WORD . For a start women leave, and the venue is in the business of selling alcohol and meals not comedy.
6 Don't have an alcoholic drink for confidence, have one after you've been up.

Anyway,  I stuck by those rules

Once when I  bumped into the guy who runs the Brisbane Comedy Scene and we were having a friendly talk and he asked me why I had stopped performing. ( Like he never rang me)
He was taken aback when my response was " I got no support from you ever but I was Never late, Dressed to perform , never went over time , did my material only , never talked to the audience, never said the C word, never turned up drunk or stoned and GOT BIG LAUGHS and I never got a support spot".
He nearly ran away from me.

In my first night I followed my creed, had to introduce myself to the MC and got up. I was beyond scared, beyond petrified, I stumbled over a few words but I'd rehearsed the routine 23 times that day. That was my figure each performance. I asked to be introduced as a first timer so the audience were warm.

On my first night my 7 minutes was
4 one liners                          - Very Rodney Danger field/Shandling Woody Allen
Short routine GOD RINGS  - Very Woody Allen
Longer Routine Bullshit Artist -Very Me , very Australian
Another 4 one liners.             -Very Dangerfield/Shandling Allen again

The one liners and my God Rings routine went over good.
But Bullshit Artists a set up followed by a series of bullshit lines has the men in hysterics but left the women cold. The laughter was big but I was aware of  what was going on. Men love bullshit artists,as much as they think not,  but women hate them, They think they are are all married to one or seeing a bullshit artist so they were cold about it.
Never did that routine again.

End of Part 1