CARL DITTERICH & ME. ( A true and funny football story)

 

This is my favourite football story.

It was in the early 80's when Carl Ditterich moved up to Brisbane as coach of Coorparoo Australian Rules Football Club. It was big news at the time.

My best mate at the time Neil Perryman had decided to have a crack at first or reserve grade and I went along to training one night just to watch. I hadn't played for  two years ( I think)  because I officially retired from football at the end of Under 19's. Well, I thought I had. 

Now at this time I actually had my right hand still bandaged at the time after it had been crushed in a printing press a few months earlier.

So I'm watching the training the fathers of a player Wayne Clarke who I only knew as Mr Clarke came and spoke me. He said that even though Coorparoo had signed Carl Ditterich they were short of players and now that I've arrived it was necessary that I return. I thought I should explain that I was recovering from a crushed hand. 14 stitches and 78 micro stitches ( they are figures you never forget) and that I wasn't overly keen. I was also a shift worker so training was one week every fortnight. he said " None of teat matters.

So I turn up training and quickly became a favourite of Carl's, the crushed hand angle may have helped.

So about three weeks in Carl calls a group of rovers aside. I was one of that group.  Now in that group was a bloke I will call Rosco. Although short,  physically he was a Greek adonis, every muscle in his body rippled and he was the fastest player in the club. BUT his Achilles heel was that he was weak as piss and a show pony.

So we start this drill and Carl throws the ball out in Rosco's direction and Rosco is first to it, does a baulk or two runs rings around me and gives it back to Carl. I feel a bit eeerrrrr.

Next time it's me and Rosco again and Carl throws the ball to Rosco's side and once again he runs rings around me. once again I'm feeling eeerrrr

Ok, so the third time Carl throws the ball  to my side. Now as I'm positioning myself to pick up the ball, Rosco just drags me off without me having touched because he's showing Carl that he's Rosco and I'm just a piece of shit.

BUT  I reacted as I only can. When his hands grabbed me without the ball I swung around with my left  elbow and  and I elbowed him right in the middle of his fucking forehead. Rosco gave out a scream, I thought "Fuck what have I done" and here's Rosco with blood just pissing out of his fore head. What will Carl think? His gun rover. I'm petrified. 

Carl looks at Rosco and says "You, get off the field mate" and to all the rest of us he says "Lets continue boys".

And although I had plenty of good moments on the field in my time , splitting that gutless squibs head open in front of the king of the elbow will always be my favourite individual moment.

STEPHEN FRY: BRITISH V AMERICAN COMEDY What a tosser.

 Stephen Fry ( tosser)

I've seen a few You Tube videos with Stephen Fry comparing the comedy of the Britain to the comedy  United States. It's seems to be a pet subject of his and I don't get it. I don't get the comparison angle and the whole thing annoys me. I love the comedy greats of both countries equally, but it's not a subject I  would ever bring up as a conversation piece.

First of all his opinion is that British comedy is funnier or better than American comedy, because it's much smarter, more human , more character based. (whatever) Is it? Proof?

In both of these videos he's not in a debate.  He is  stating his opinion unchallenged and in the case of the one in the auditorium he is talking to an audience who are his true believers.

When he talks about the great British performers he reels off many from the 1950's and 60's but he has chosen to compare them with John Belushi , who had a very short career from about 1975/80 Ben Stiller and  Jim Carrey who are modern day American comedians.

He says that in the American film National Lampoon's Animal House John Belushi (and  he calls him John Belushia the first time, which is rude because we all know his name) plays this crazy guy who smashes a folk singers guitar. He says that the American comedian and the English comedian would rather be the folk singer much to the delight of his audience. But John Belushi wasn't the star of this film, it was his film debut and he was eighth on the cast. He was playing a crazy guy, not the protagonist so the whole point which Mr Fry is going down is totally irrelevant. AND he sort of hangs his hat on that example.

He also makes a point of comparing British sitcoms to American films. He reels off  a selection of British sitcoms which include Steptoe and Son, Rising Damp, Fawlty Towers, Tony Hancock, Dad's Army, Alan Partridge, The Office,  but as I say he is comparing these to Belushi , Stiller and Sandler who are now all film comedians. He is not comparing these with Get Smart, MASH, The Mary Tyler Moore Show, Barney Miller, All in the Family, Cheers, Seinfeld The Larry Sanders Show, nor even the American version of The Office. If he is going to make comparisons he should compare them to the right genre. He does the apple and oranges comparison as if that's like a fact.

For some reason he makes a comment that Americans are brash because anyone born in the USA can become President but that's not the case with becoming Prime Minister in Britain, well I think that's his point.to me, once again is irrelevant. What the hell has that got to do with fucking comedy writing?

Anyway , I see that what he is taking about is humour and in some ways he is correct,  because the British and the Americans have a different sense of humour and and i'd rather talk to a Pom aover an American anny day , except fro Fry and Ben Elton,  but sense of humour is not comedy , comedy is to me a theatrical exercise. I am an Australian with an Aussie sense of humour. My comedy is a combination of all the things which make me laugh, whether they be Australian, American, British or something from some other place in the world. Once again humour and comedy are not the same and in fact very different. Fry likes to suggest that comedy and humour are the same. They are not and I'm repeating myself here.

His old comedy partner Hugh Laurie is a huge hit in America TV dramas and comedy as well as appearing in films. I sense a huge hint of jealousy and that is why he is attacking the Americans.