THE ART OF LOVE - film 1965

 The Art of Love

This has been screening on Foxtel lately.

Starring  James Garner  Dick Van Dyke  Elke Sommer  Angie Dickinson

Director - Norman Jewison

Screenplay - Carl Reiner  story by William Sackheim Richard Allan Simmons

Not a bad line up.

Set in Paris , Dick plays a struggling artist who falls into the river Seine to save Elke Sommer. When they both go missing James Garner hatches a plan that Dick has committed suicide so that the price of his paintings goes sky high.

That's about the gist of it and that is a good idea for a comedy.  

Meanwhile Elke is falling in love with him while he is waiting for his fiance Angie to fly in from America. Ehh Ehh. The Elke bit makes sense but the Angie bit is ho hum.

Anyway with all this talent involved you'd think this could be a laugh riot. well it's not.

Both Garner and Van Dyke were emerging films stars at the time after television success. Elke was the new Swedish babe on the block and Angie was a big co starring name. But they don't seem to gel. I have trouble believing that Angie Dickinson would be flying over for Dick Van Dyke. Of course she ends up with James Garner and that makes sense as does Dick ending up with Elke. Makes sense but none of this is funny.

Norman  Jewison was an emerging director. Two years later he made the very over rated, oscar nominated The Russians Are Coming The Russians Are Coming. ( I think the title sucked people in) it's like a boring telemovie.

Carl Reiner was a TV comedy writing superstar.

The Actors :They all seem miscast or more importantly it's just not the right cast. Carl Reiner has a totally unfunny cameo as well.

The Direction:  It's ordinary at best. 

The Screenplay: I'd like to hear Carl Reiner's thoughts on this because it would have to be the worst thing he's ever done. Just no laughs. No funny lines. There's just nothing here.

I thought this would be one of those under rated Dick Van Dyke films from the 60's but in fact going from the IMDB rating of 6.1 it's hugely over rated.

 

 

MR INBETWEEN REVISITED and My Similar Idea

 MR INBETWEEN REVISITED

I'm watching Mr Inbetween on Fox again. That's not hard to do as there's not too many good shows on TV. lots of shows, lots of new shows , not too many good ones. Also every show is a serial so you are obligated to watch every episode in order.

So for some unknown reason I watched the premiere episode of Mr Inbetween when it premiered about 4 or 5 years ago. First thing the main character is Ray Shoestring who is a hitman and his soul is inbetween good and evil. 

In the first episode his mate Gary wants Ray to retrieve a Pee Pee or Golden Shower dvd from his ex-girlfriend's place obviously before she finds it because they're easy enough to buy. Anyway I liked this angle , not just a porn dvd but a fetish dvd. Reminded me of the time I got caught out by my ex wife ringing the Granny Phone Sex line. She made sure everyone found out about that. And that's the first thing, straight away I could relate to Gary.

Also in the first episode we learn that Ray is a single father who lives in very basic low rent house or flat and that he has a a 12 year old daughter from an Asian mother and he has a brother who is dying. And that Ray uses his fists at the very least to solve his problems.

So by the end of episode I had to watch the next episode.

What got me is over that first series was the reality of the dialogue.

We learn that Ray the hitman is also a criminal mastermind.

 Unknown writer and lead actor Scott Ryan tried to sell this idea for 20 years until eventually A-B and eventually C got this show running. He'd even made an obscure film called The Magician about the same character 20 years ago which didn't get off the ground.  NO one wanted to touch him. Dealing with pen pushers and bureaucrats etc.

So I watched every episode and the thing that got me was all the things Scott Ryan had learnt so that Ray Shoestring could get out of trouble when in a fix and they all seemed possible if you know what you're doing. The booby traps etc and the expertise of Ray in his field. So I'm saying to myself I would love to write something like this but probably not capable. But I can write that Australian dialogue and I'll finish on that note in a minute.

So when the show is finished I believe I've watched the best show ever on TV. A black comedy of course but with no flaws or mistakes.

1 The actors look like the characters they are playing. They are all believable. This usually the first mistake with many Australian shows and films. Bad casting.

2 The dialogue rings true all the time. That's how we talk. Two blokes arguing over a breakfast cereal.

The nightclub owner getting angry over the amount of toilet paper his girlfriend uses.

 

3 The human element of Ray.  How he loves those he loves, but when a bloke begs for mercy Ray kills him only to be told later that it's the wrong man. His relationship with Brooke Satchell nor anyone else is doomed.

4 The cleverness in Scott Ryan finding out all these things to make ray a mastermind.

5 My favourite. Gary. Gary in his daily life is basically a complete likeable dickhead. Not unlike myself. But in every scene in which Ray calls on his assistance with help Gary is 100% capable. He is not a fuck up. He also is a total professional. And this is what really to me differs it from every other show.

So I consider MR INBETWEEN as better than the great American shows BREAKING BAD, BETTER CALL SAUL, THE SOPRANOS, DEADWOOD and MAD MEN.

So anyway my film script The LAST NIGHT OF THE HOODOO'S written awhile back has that same Australian dialogue and it's a god script.

Can I write something like MR INBETWEEN? Yes and No.

I can write the dialogue and the stories. But I can't do what Scott Ryan did with the cleverness of the problem solving. I'd need another writer for that.

RELEASED or THE ACCOUNTANT  or no proper title as yet.

Series 1. 8-10 episodes with the murderer being caught at the end of the first season so a another story line has to be set up for the second season.

The protaganist has spent a life sentence in jail for murdering his wife who's body was never found. He is totally innocent. Yes they had arguments over money.  He was charged, found guilty and and did the time.  Is he still alive? Actually No. But it is a red herring that is brought into play at times and our protagonist has little doubt that she was murdered.

It's important that he has done his time. he's not a fugitive nor escapee. He has spent a life sentence for something he did not do. At this point he's not so much angry but he wants to clear his name.

 What does the protagonist do when he leaves prison? He is a good guy, unlike ray Shoestring who is "inbetween' but he has learnt a lot in prison, some street cred but that's not his thing.  He wants to help people so he becomes and I hate the term for now a Private Investigator. And part of his investigating is to prove himself innocent.

I'm thinking he may have been an accountant so he has learnt a lot about computers and he was a model prisoner so he had access to learning. He has learnt hacking.

And this my my angle but how do you do this every week. People come to him with there problems and let's say an elderly couple have been scammed out of their life savings he out scams the scammers. How ? I don't know but I'm sure it can be done. 

He also has a ( violent) mate in prison  who can help him from the inside in the first series and is released in the second series to become even more helpful.

Another angle the protagonist  occasionally comes across s people who have seen his face on TV so they are quick to call him a murderer or wife killer.

 And finally he finds his wife's killer. Is it someone close to home?  Many people will come into contention . I know who it is and I can't divulge that because who the killer is important to the credibility of it all. It's not so much "who it is' as opposed to "Who it can't be".

 Each episode has a separate theme and oh by the way , lots of laughs. And how , well people will want your services for the weirdest of things. 

And finally in the tradition of those great modern shows it needs a style. It needs a director and photographers with a bit of imagination.

I can write the dialogue and some story lines but with the technical side I need help,  I know nothing of hacking.

 

BARRY HUMPHRIES 1934 -2023

I never see any sense in me doing an obituary at the time of a comedians death. I have to reflect.

I consider that Barry Humphries was the greatest stage performer ever, albeit in the the guise or disguise of Dame Edna Everage, Sir Les Patterson or Sandy Stone. I say stage performer as he was not a stand up comedian.

I first saw a Dame Edna/Barry show in Brisbane in I think it was 1979. I went by myself and was I about the tenth row, just far enough away as to not cop any of Les's dribble. Over the next forty years I saw him most times he came to Brisbane or the Gold Coast.

The funny thing for me is when I watch a comedian doing their live show I usually spend half the show figuring out how they do their show, by that I mean their structure and lots of other bullshit things.

However since Barry was not a stand up comedian I just watched the show and laughed loud. 

Until his death. 

Since he has died I have watched countless of his interviews and other appearances,  I've even watched the horrific Les Patterson Saves The World twice, but these things you do.

But what I did discover is what his style of comedy actually was and that was a strangely a revelation to me and that is Sir Les for example never had a bad word to say about anybody. But in being kind he would say something totally unnecessary about that person and that is wherein the joke would lie. He would go "She's a lovely person , BUT  it's a pity that she does this."

So what was this creature Barry Humphries?

One thing I've noticed is that in interviews Barry was nowhere near as quick witted as Dame Edna or Les. Barry was the real person and as the real person I have seen him hold back where as Edna would go straight for the throat. Dame Edna and Les were quick witted characters, but also Edna in particular was always way prepared and way ahead of her guests or hosts.

Barry or more so Edna was:

1 The greatest stage performer.

2 A very good TV host.

3 A good serious actor who did too little serious acting.

4 Made a few funny Barry McKenzie films but Les Patterson Saves The World ended the idea of anyone investing in his films. Although I could re-edit the film cut out ten minutes and make it watchable. Unfortunately I'd cut out the whole unnecessary segment with Graham Kennedy although his one not so funny line is the best thing in the whole film.

5. A good author.

6. Barry made one sketch show special in the late 70's. I watched it of course and just wished there were more. Probably time consuming as he would have written it all by himself.

A few things. When I saw Barry in 1979 he was not the flavour of the month. He was a niche performer and my mother questioned me on what I was doing seeing a man who dresses up as a woman. I answered "He's a comedian'.

I met Barry once with my ex wife. he was incredibly friendly and charming to me, but no doubt my ex wife had a lot to do with that.

In one interview with Barry he said that in order Peter Cook, Benny Hill and John Cleese because of Fawlty Towers are the be three best comedian/writers to come from England. I love this because many will denounce Benny Hill but this was not only a correct assessment but an honest one.

LOUIS CK LIVE 2022

 LOUIS CK LIVE

November 17 2022 Louis CK performed at Brisbane Entertainment Centre. I've seen many of the great comedians  especially Billy Connolly, Robin Williams  and Steven Wright. The only great on my list who never came to Australia was Garry Shandling.  As much as I love Jerry Seinfeld seeing him live didn't interest me. Of the others I've seen Dylan Moran who was extremely good.

All of these comedians take you on a journey because they have to, if you're doing stand up for a period of hours it has to be more than just jokes or a series of stories. the only disappointing thing about Louis was that he was on stage for only 75 minutes but I didn't feel robbed or anything.

Louis takes you on a journey that is always going to start in a weird place, but with him it's like starting at the bottom of Everest and in that 75 minutes you are going up that mountain until you reach the peak.The journey is great but reaching that peak really is as funny as anything you will ever see.  He is the funniest comedian of them all. 

The main reason you love a comedian is that you feel you think the same , or have similar routines in your head. I once did a routine at an Open Mike  venue about Mel Gibson's film The Passion of the Christ. A year or so later I saw on You Tube  Louis doing the same subject and crazily we had some of the same lines. ( Like it's an interesting film in which Christ gets the fucking shit beaten out of him for an hour and a half).

I had thought he'd never come to Australia (again- he did a Melbourne and Sydney show around 2011/12) but due to his wrong doings which I don't condone at all , I think he will return in the next 2-3 years.

 

 

 

THE CANNIBAL COOKERY BOOK SKETCH

 THE CANNIBAL COOKERY BOOK SKETCH 

Earlier today I watched a few minutes of one of those cookery shows, something I never watch , but whilst doing so I asked myself the question. Where's the sketch?" Within about 30 seconds the answer came to me. The Cannibal's Cookbook.

1. I asked myself why I haven't seen a sketch on this theme before. Like it's obvious. 

2.  Next: First reference. Jeffrey Dahmer and the head in the fridge. 

3 Do I do it as interview with the cannibal taking questions or do I do in a Ronnie Barker style with the e cannibal in a kitchen and those monologues were written in a style in which Ronnie asks himself the questions. "And where do I find a butchered up body at this time of night you may ask, well here's the answer".  The answer is you do both because the interview can be a prelude to the cannibal having his own cooking show.

4 Other things that come to mind when writing this sketch Obvious Chinese and or Indian.

Ok  Straight away I think of the Cookery Show

Cannibal : And here is my Chinese dish, come out Mae Wong. Lovely isn't she , Mae will be served with rice and oyster soup.

The next thing is what will he be cooking?

My first thought once again obviously all the exterior human features. Head, eyes, ears, lips, arms , hands, legs and feet. Then there's the interiors , brain, heart, liver and kidney.

All of these have to be combined with a cookery term such marinated or stewed or casserole.

But what will really make this funny or make it work as far as recipes.

A.Marinated liver. No  

B Silvia's marinated liver. So so. 

C Annoying Landlady's marinated liver.  That's more like it. let's get specific here, he's a cannibal and he eats people who annoy him.

So I'm making up a name for this cannibal character and a dozen have gone in and out and then it hits me, yes the obvious hits me. It has to be pop culture icon Hannibal Lecter in full face mask.

1. It's a satirical sketch so there's no rights to the name etc.

2 He's the biggest cannibal name in the business.

3 He will grab every kid's attention. "Did you see the Hannibal Lecter sketch, that was disgraceful". At this point I'm not thinking disgraceful but I want it to be distasteful. ( pun not intended).

 4. No lines like : 

So what possessed you to be a cannibal.

You could say I had a hunger for it . ( None of that ) Something similar though.

 

 

HANNIBAL'S LECHTER' S COOKBOOK INTERVIEW

 

Host :  Good evening , my next guest needs no introduction. He is world a renowned serial killer and cannibal and master chef. Currently do time a life time in prison with the special title "Never to be released' this man has murdered more people than most of us would dream of. Give a warm welcome to Hannibal Lecter.

CUT TO Hannibal Lecter in face mask.

Hannibal : Hi Guys.

Host: I've got to say Hannibal, that's an impressive entourage you have with you behind the screen.

Hannibal:  They are eight highly trained SAS men who will kill me as if I as much as sneeze.

Host: Give a big hand to the SAS they do such a great job.

Hannibal:  Maybe.

Host: Before we get to the cook book Mr Lecter I'd like to discuss your history of murders, if that's fine with you. It says here Thirty two alleged murders.

Hannibal:  Twenty nine. Alleged. the others are pure coincidence.

Host: Twenty nine.

Hannibal: Well who's counting really, I mean someone turns up dead two blocks away from my house, they are have their tongue cut out , their lungs and kidney removed, their fingers and toes cut off and everyone points the finger at me. Next thing I know they say I am number one on their suspect list.

Host: Yes, those accusations must hurt you.

Hannibal: You bet, sometimes they hurt me so much I could just cut their heads off and eat their brains,  with a mushroom sauce but so be it.

Host: Yes. And did you cannibalize all your victims or just some? 

Hannibal : What do you take me for, a pig? No! In most cases I just enjoyed the killing. I ask you , could you eat a politician. I bet the answer is No!

Host  It is No!

Hannibal: Of course it's No. You would create such a bad vibe from eating them and belly pains. yuk yuk yuk.

Host ( nervously) :  Let's get back to the book. I'll open at a random recipe and you explain. Grilled postman with a bean salad. Can you explain that.

Hannibal:  Self explanatory , he he he. best with olive oil.

Host: Virgin olive oil?

Hannibal: The virgin's the dessert.

Host: The Annoying guy on the bus....... soup. 

Hannibal: Self explanatory. Again. I don't like stupid questions.

Host: They're not questions, I'm just reading out the recipes.

Hannibal: Don't push it buddy. I have little patience.

Host:  Ok Mr Lecter. Ah yes and here's another one. Here's a funny one Chef's Surprise.

Hannibal : Very good choice, the last thing a Chef expects is to be standing over a nice hot stove and suddenly his throat is cut and a minute later his or her naked body is stewing in a enormous pot with lots of garlic, barley and beef stock for flavour. Voila! Chef's surprise.

Host: That's great.  So Mr Lecter, so what will you be having for dinner tonight?

Hannibal  You . I've just removed my hand cuffs.

FADE TO BLACK 

Host AAAGGGGGHHHHHH

Hannibal: Could someone get me a glass of  Penfold's rose.  Please.

THE END

 So that's as a first draft written in about an hour and I've covered the major laugh angles which I was looking for and with a lot more work this could be a very funny sketch.

 

 

WRITING A COMEDY SKETCH

 WRITING A COMEDY SKETCH

It's a bit like everything else in life. If you do it long enough and do it properly it then comes easy.

Your stock standard sketch would usually go for a minute and half to about 5 minutes. the process is the same.

The sketch is like a pop song. The song has a verse  a chorus and somewhere in there is a crescendo.

If the sketch goes for one and a half minutes there is one verse, one chorus and one big laugh somewhere. it does not have to be at the end as a punchline but it helps. Each minute and a half has the same process.

My basic sketch is the two person sketch. It doesn't matter who the people are, the sketch is like an interview. Whether its boy meets girl or cop meets killer one is interviewing the other.

In the sketch interview questions are asked and the wrong answers are given. That's the comedy.

My basic sketch is done in 4's with four lead up lines each which get to the point  and another 4 lines each to the big joke. That's not set in stone of course but it's a good guide.

It's a sketch so the lead up lines are in rhythm like song so that the performers are singing a duet. This makes it comfortable for the performers but it also gets smiles from the audience because they see the humour in the rhythm.

Me. I've devised a little strategy that if it's a confrontational the protagonist abuses the other party with The "Go fuck Yourself" Sketch.

There are a few reasons for this:

1. The Go Fuck yourself signals the end of the sketch.

2 It's my signature

3 I don't want anyone to say my humour is nice and clean and "He doesn't have to use bad language to get laughs'. I'm not writing for Christians nor my mother, I'm writing for 11 year old naughty boys.

Once you learn this it should be like shelling peas. It might take a life time though.

That's about it.

THE LOST COMEDY SKETCHES

 LOST COMEDY SKETCHES : Especially the DUMMY COP.

I've had quite a pile of comedy material for too long. On Sunday it was time to sift through and see what I had. I was of the belief that I had lost many of my sketches over the years. To my relief I've hardly lost any if any at all.

I do have most of the stuff on discs or those plugins but now I know exactly what I have. I can either get it scanned if possible or even re type and save it all again. I have no problem with that because some of the sketches will need to be rewritten. really all the sketches should be rewritten at some time.

I didn't learn a lesson but I should have gone through all of this stuff ten years ago or even fifteen years ago and just sort it out properly. Would have saved some unnecessary anxiety.

One sketch I had presumed lost was one about a cop whose partner is a ventriloquists dummy. I had no idea what the title was , possibly Dummy Cop which would have made things easier. I had done a series of sketches called Mullumdimby Vice and it was an episode of that series of sketches. Once I found that sketch though I realised I had just about all of my material.

This is an important sketch to me. It's very good or very funny. I sent it to a show which premiered in the year 1998. They never got back to me, but this sketch was the opening sketch in their first episode.  I wasn't credited nor did they call me it. It was just plain stolen.

The version which appeared on TV wasn't 100% of what I submitted, there were of course subtle and even unsubtle changes. 

This was the last straw as far as theft of my material was concerned. It was the theft of this sketch which made me make the choice of trying stand up comedy. To protect my material ( As if that worked).

Anyway, I have over 100 complete sketches, mostly "off the wall" to sort through and rewrite. Rightly or wrongly I've gone down this path as opposed to writing sketches for established comedy characters as they already have their writers. They will be retyped, rewritten and improved and stored on a device.

 All good.